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I’ve heard this question or variations thereof so many times during the years I’ve been doing readings. “I just want someone to make me happy, is that so much to ask?” or “I just want to find that one guy that will make me happy again.” One of the recent questions I received via the ‘Ask Atell’ page was this; “How do I find someone to make me happy? I’ve looked everywhere, I’ve tried going out, I have met a few people, but they all fade into the background or stop calling. What more can I do?”
Happiness Begins Within
The simplest way to answer this question is to say that Happiness is an inside job, and though that may sound a little cliche, it’s true. Many people live with the idea that it’s their life partner’s job to make them happy or that once they meet that perfect person, the clouds will part, the sun will shine, and the birds will sing once again. The truth is that in a situation where someone is so intensely unhappy, it’s very difficult and demanding to ‘make them happy’, because it’s an impossible task and it leads to a situation where one party is continually working to make the other happy, but is continually falling short.
Why it Doesn’t Work
Let’s say you’re looking for a partner while you’re in a very anxious, unhappy, vulnerable, or needy state. This guy will have the world on his shoulders, because, your happiness will depend entirely on him and his actions. I recently read somewhere that trying to make an unhappy person happy is a continual effort, because it’s like trying to fill a leaky bucket from the outside. If someone is that unhappy, there’s a problem within and that proverbial hole needs to be fixed before a relationship, or anything else for that matter, will be able to ‘fill’ that person up or truly contribute to their happiness.
Where to Start
If you’re hoping to find someone, the very first step is not to try to find someone to bring happiness into your life. In fact, take a break from romance and focus on You instead.The trick is finding ways to be happy first, ways to find happiness within, before adding another party to the mix. Let’s say for example, you’ve been feeling very down and depressed about things, examine why you feel that way and what you can do to change that. Positive thinking is just one of the very first ways to bring happiness into your life without having to do anything too drastic.
Secondly, I feel this particular reader has lost touch with her passion and many of the things that used to feed and nourish her on a soul level – and this is true for many people who find it hard to see the meaning and happiness waiting for them in every ordinary day. Reconnect with the things you enjoy doing, whether it’s needlework, PC games, or Yoga, if it puts a smile on your face, do it. Once you’re at a point where happiness is an everyday part of your life without the ‘need’ for someone else to do it for you, you’ll be able to give as well as receive. Try joining groups that share your interests as well, because that way you’ll not only get to spend time doing what you love, you’ll also make new friends.
Filling the Vessel
There’s a saying that you cannot serve from an empty vessel and this is true of love as well. When someone is so filled with happiness and fulfilled by their day to day life, they have more than enough to share with those close to them, and being around them becomes a pleasure. In fact, happy people draw others to them and become an irresistible force.
Once we become responsible for our own happiness, we are not only free, but able to spread it around and share that happiness with the world. This is when a partner, soul mate, or life partner most easily shows up, because a fulfilled individual positively glows and exudes that wonderful warm and intriguing lust for life that gets just about everybody’s attention.
So instead of looking at a potential relationship through the lens of “I need someone to make me happy” or “I need to be reassured” etc. Try filling those needs yourself first and then taking a perspective that lets you ask “How can I make others happier?”, “What can I contribute to this person’s life?”, “How can I be of service?”.
Happiness brings more Happiness
Our state of mind or vibration tends to be what attracts things and people into our reality, so you’ll end up attracting what you think, what you believe, and what you ARE at any given moment. A happy person who’s enjoying life will attract the same energies into their lives which means you’re likely to surround yourself with other happy people who are ready and able to share their love with someone.
I’ve always been intrigued by the paranormal, divination, and the various tools of the trade. Even as an teenager, I found myself seeing ‘fortunetellers’ or Tarot readers in films and I’d say “I would SO LOVE to do that one day!”. I never really imagined that I would, because, while I believed myself to be highly intuitive, I didn’t have the confidence and believed that this knowledge was somehow sacred and handed down through generations. My Grandmother read tea leaves back in the day but this is something she never taught me how to do, and so the Tarot and learning to read it became a wish I thought would never come true.
My First Tarot Deck
A strange twist of fate led me to my first tarot deck: It was my 21st birthday and I was working in a women’s project creating and designing handmade crocheted and knitted garments. The owner gave me an unexpected birthday present, 21 R10 notes. I was in complete shock, but decided to hold onto it for a little while before spending it. I was able to go to Canal Walk in Cape Town a few days later, a rare treat for me in those days, and when we passed a bookstore, a Tarot kit caught my eye.
I doubled back and stood there staring at the kit for about five minutes before entering the shop. I could not believe that something like that was available and that someone could learn Tarot reading from a book! The set included a set of Tarot cards as well, so it would be all I needed to realize my dream. I went into the store, expecting the set to be very expensive, but as fate would have it, the price was exactly R210, the exact amount I received as a surprise birthday gift. Needless to say the kit came home with me and that’s where my journey began in earnest.
Recently I took out that same deck again and held it, shuffled it, and this was when the thought came to me to offer it as a tool for one of my flash specials. I’ve had such an amazing time working with the deck again. Just feeling the texture of the cards, looking at the illustrations, and sensing their energy took me right back in time. The old associations, meanings, and symbols are returned to me, so it was, in a way, as if I’d returned to my roots and what a refreshing and fulfilling experience it’s been!
The readings I’ve done with the deck have all worked out beautifully and I feel so privileged to have been able to share this beautiful tool with a few of you. This particular deck will always be close to my heart, because this is really where it all began for me, but it’ll never become a tool I use daily.
Different Cards for Different Occasions
I currently work with two Thoth tarot decks, and I’ve found that working with those decks on a daily basis causes some real wear and tear. I love those decks too (the older one of the two is in fairly scruffy shape, but I just cannot bring myself to part with it) but they are somehow different to the first.
Tarot decks are different and I suppose that each brings with it a particular energy, for me, using my very first Tarot deck is almost like a trip back in time. That sense of nostalgia and recalling the past, it’s sweet, pleasant, and definitely warmed my heart!
I’ve recently spoken to a client and she brought up an interesting question. As a psychic, I’ve never really thought about the ‘how’ of what I do or how psychic connections actually happen. Her question was this: “How are you able to connect to someone other than myself, and how accurate is it?” This made me think and this blog post will focus specifically on answering her question.
How Do Psychics Connect?
There are as many different ways to connect as there are psychic readers or advisors out there. I believe that as a psychic or intuitive, someone is able to feel, sense, hear, see, or know things that others cannot, simply because a psychic is more sensitive and is able to pick up bit of information energetically or through the clair senses.
It’s been said that psychics connect to an energetic grid that connects all individuals together, so if you’d like, it’s a little like going onto an energetic version of the Internet and we’re all on it. What I use to start a psychic connection, is most often a person’s name, but that is just my personal preference, other readers may ask for a date of birth or an item of clothing or jewelry etc.
Some psychics, including myself, may use tools to connect. This is particularly true in situations where time is of the essence or where the client may be paying per minute. So it means that we’re able to get a faster connection and a wider view of the situation in far less time using some of the symbols, archetypes, and energies represented by Tarot cards, Runes, Oracle cards, or Angel cards.
Not all psychics connect in exactly the same way, so I can only speak for myself when I say this: I believe psychic connections can happen in a number of ways, but I use both the clair senses and Tarot to do what I do.
How is a Psychic Able to Connect to a Third Party?
This is an interesting question because it’s fairly easy to connect to the person you’re speaking to as you’re able to hear their voice and you’re speaking to them in real time during a reading. The client’s partner, ex, or employer is a different story though because the connection happens remotely.
The best or easiest way for me to explain this is to say that the connection starts with the person I’m speaking to. In other words I’ll connect with the client and then from there I connect to her partner, ex, employer, etc through her.
The tools I work with also help in that regard because the spreads I use are laid out in a way that shows me not only the client’s side of things but also that of the other party he or she may be asking about.
How Accurate is the Connection?
This is a question I cannot really give a definite answer to, and while it may seem like I’m evading the question, it’s really just because there isn’t a fixed percentage. I’m always doubtful when I see readers use phrases like “99% accurate” etc, because unless someone has been tested extensively over a prolonged period of time there’s really no way to get a definite average.
Each connection is different just as each reading and each client is different. I’ve found that individual energies also affect a reading, and even my own or the client’s mindset can affect the connection. So for some, a particular reader may connect brilliantly, while for others he or she leaves much to be desired.
Trust is important when it comes to connecting to one another and if a client is anxious, doubtful, angry, scared, or guarded, it makes it harder to connect to them properly. I tend to receive emotions first so if you have to work past intense feelings from the client first it makes the connection process harder and may also influence the reading. If you’re interested in gauging the accuracy of a connection, one of the best ways to do so is to take notes and to see whether you’re able to verify some of what your reader has shared.
I have always, for as long as I can remember, felt uncomfortable looking into people’s eyes. Most of the time, I’d avoid it at all cost, especially if it’s a stranger or someone I happen to notice or walk past in the street. For years, I’d never given it any thought and told myself that I was shy, I prefer not to be noticed, or that I prefer not to be seen, but I suspect it may actually be the other way around. I’m trying not to see.
A recent experience while I was out shopping really made me think and, in a roundabout way, made me realize why I have the habit of avoiding eye contact. I was standing in line to have my bananas weighed at one of our local supermarkets when I felt compelled to look up into the eyes of the person helping me.
The sensation was overwhelming, because in that split second, I felt impressions, feelings, energy, all rushing in. It was not unpleasant, like it can be with some people, but what I felt made me sad. In that split second, I could see that this is a very loving and hard working young man. I could feel that he’s very nurturing and he had a somewhat feminine nurturer energy about him.
I knew that his family do not approve of him or the relationship he’s in, purely because of his sexual preference. I knew that he’s working there in order to help support the family, there was mention of a young female who’s going to school, so I guessed he may be helping to pay her tuition fees.
It struck me that a soul as beautiful as this could be standing behind a produce scale doing a job very few people would choose to do in order to help a family who doesn’t approve of or love him for who he truly is and yet he positively radiates love.
The experience has had me thinking for a few days now, and I’m still wondering why he had to get my attention. I still have no idea who that young man is, but I know that he is a bright light in this world and one of the few who are strong enough to get to where he’s going.
Going forward I’ll most likely keep my eyes down and carry on as I have been, but perhaps that particular supermarket worker was sent to show me something: that sometimes people need to be seen, not to get attention, but to be understood and accepted for the beautiful souls they truly are.