I’ve heard this question or variations thereof so many times during the years I’ve been doing readings. “I just want someone to make me happy, is that so much to ask?” or “I just want to find that one guy that will make me happy again.” One of the recent questions I received via the ‘Ask Atell’ page was this; “How do I find someone to make me happy? I’ve looked everywhere, I’ve tried going out, I have met a few people, but they all fade into the background or stop calling. What more can I do?”
Happiness Begins Within
The simplest way to answer this question is to say that Happiness is an inside job, and though that may sound a little cliche, it’s true. Many people live with the idea that it’s their life partner’s job to make them happy or that once they meet that perfect person, the clouds will part, the sun will shine, and the birds will sing once again. The truth is that in a situation where someone is so intensely unhappy, it’s very difficult and demanding to ‘make them happy’, because it’s an impossible task and it leads to a situation where one party is continually working to make the other happy, but is continually falling short.
Why it Doesn’t Work
Let’s say you’re looking for a partner while you’re in a very anxious, unhappy, vulnerable, or needy state. This guy will have the world on his shoulders, because, your happiness will depend entirely on him and his actions. I recently read somewhere that trying to make an unhappy person happy is a continual effort, because it’s like trying to fill a leaky bucket from the outside. If someone is that unhappy, there’s a problem within and that proverbial hole needs to be fixed before a relationship, or anything else for that matter, will be able to ‘fill’ that person up or truly contribute to their happiness.
Where to Start
If you’re hoping to find someone, the very first step is not to try to find someone to bring happiness into your life. In fact, take a break from romance and focus on You instead.The trick is finding ways to be happy first, ways to find happiness within, before adding another party to the mix. Let’s say for example, you’ve been feeling very down and depressed about things, examine why you feel that way and what you can do to change that. Positive thinking is just one of the very first ways to bring happiness into your life without having to do anything too drastic.
Secondly, I feel this particular reader has lost touch with her passion and many of the things that used to feed and nourish her on a soul level – and this is true for many people who find it hard to see the meaning and happiness waiting for them in every ordinary day. Reconnect with the things you enjoy doing, whether it’s needlework, PC games, or Yoga, if it puts a smile on your face, do it. Once you’re at a point where happiness is an everyday part of your life without the ‘need’ for someone else to do it for you, you’ll be able to give as well as receive. Try joining groups that share your interests as well, because that way you’ll not only get to spend time doing what you love, you’ll also make new friends.
Filling the Vessel
There’s a saying that you cannot serve from an empty vessel and this is true of love as well. When someone is so filled with happiness and fulfilled by their day to day life, they have more than enough to share with those close to them, and being around them becomes a pleasure. In fact, happy people draw others to them and become an irresistible force.
Once we become responsible for our own happiness, we are not only free, but able to spread it around and share that happiness with the world. This is when a partner, soul mate, or life partner most easily shows up, because a fulfilled individual positively glows and exudes that wonderful warm and intriguing lust for life that gets just about everybody’s attention.
So instead of looking at a potential relationship through the lens of “I need someone to make me happy” or “I need to be reassured” etc. Try filling those needs yourself first and then taking a perspective that lets you ask “How can I make others happier?”, “What can I contribute to this person’s life?”, “How can I be of service?”.
Happiness brings more Happiness
Our state of mind or vibration tends to be what attracts things and people into our reality, so you’ll end up attracting what you think, what you believe, and what you ARE at any given moment. A happy person who’s enjoying life will attract the same energies into their lives which means you’re likely to surround yourself with other happy people who are ready and able to share their love with someone.